So I've been working on a project for the past two months or so. I love rock and roll, baseball, and television, about all of which I've written thousands of words. I've always loved movies just as much, be they hilarious, horrifying, or just plain real- yet I haven't written a word about them. I didn't want to just churn out a "here's my ten favorite movies" post, because that's kind of a malleable list and I wouldn't learn anything from typing it. So in an effort to sound informed, I combed list after list of great films. I took movies from AFI's 100, Oscar history, cult classics, modern day masterpieces... whatever. If I hadn't seen it and felt like I should, I listed it and watched it. After a few weeks of this, I got bored because if a movie was a total waste of time (I'm looking at you, Paul Thomas Anderson) I didn't really feel like it earned the right for me to type a paragraph about it. If a movie was truly something special (Mystic River, Network) my thoughts could be distilled down to "OMG see this immediately." If it fell somewhere in between, I would end up convincing myself I loved or hated it by the time I was done writing about it. In the end, I was happy I'd put the time into watching those movies, but I wasn't the least bit happy with the writing results.
How do I change that? Simple, I have to care more. I have to have passionate feelings about anything I write about, and "Anyone who doesn't think this is an amazing movie can go suck eggs!" is not a passionate feeling to me. It's fanboyism, and if I want to be a fanboy I'll just start writing about bands I like. So I needed to figure out how to care- a common theme in my life- and this time I found the solution in my past.
I've dealt with mental illness for about half of my life, but at the time I saw Requiem for a Dream back in early 2002, I was unmedicated, unchecked, and as unstable as I ever was. My taste for substances was not yet mature, but through sleep deprivation, the occasional smoked bowl, and various other habits it was not uncommon for me to experience both ends of bipolar in a single day, or even an hour. It was a Sunday afternoon, at the top of one of these downswings, that a friend suggested we watch Requiem for a Dream. Even though I plunged into a severe depression after viewing and I complained incessantly about the people who 'made' me sit through the movie, it was a learning experience for me. The lessons took years- way longer than I'd like to admit- but eventually I realized that A) fiction can't hurt you, and B) movies don't have to make you feel good to be good. It is these lessons that I'm putting to work here, because in a silly, nostalgic, bored, and emotionally reckless way, it makes me sad that no movie since has impacted me the way Requiem for a Dream did. I've been actively avoiding aggressive negativity, protecting my own contentment with tenacity that surprises even me. I've decided, in order to be a more psychologically rounded person, that it doesn't have to be that way. So I did some research on lists titled various things like "Movies you'll never want to watch more than once", or "The most disturbing films of all time", and the early results have been very promising as far as the stated objective goes. Based on how I've recommitted myself to the idea, it would appear I'm more excited to watch French Horror than anything starring Humphrey Bogart or Liz Taylor. Sue me. So, I'm five movies deep into the "messed up movies" list, and here's what I've uncovered so far. Let me make it clear before I continue that these movies are NOT for everyone. In most cases, you can make the argument that they never should have been made to begin with in order to protect the greater good, and I don't disagree with that. So don't watch 'em; you'll regret it if you do.
Requiem for a Dream (2000): This is sort of cheating, because I haven't seen this movie in about 11 years. On the other hand, I never would have started this project without it. So here's the synopsis: Ellen Burstyn is a lonely widow, obsessed with TV infomercials and her own weight. She eventually resorts to starving herself and taking amphetamines to control said weight. Also, the infomercial host is none other than the guy who played the bad guy in both Happy Gilmore and Norm MacDonald's tour de force Dirty Work. Jared Leto plays Burstyn's son. He, his girlfriend Jennifer Connelly, and his friend Marlon Wayans are all hardcore drug users. Their lives revolve around speed and blow, but mostly smack. There's your setup, and for the next hour and a half, everything gets much, much worse. No spoilers here, but the final sequence of the film brought so much disgust, fear, and outrage to a 20-year-old Everlasting Dave that it was a couple of days before he was willing to speak again. Particularly, there is something that The Everlasting Dave enjoyed greatly at the time, and still enjoys greatly to this day, that was very nearly ruined by the end of Requiem. Now, I can't give it too good a grade because I consider it completely unwatchable. But in the words of Hawk Harrelson, it was "right size, wrong shape." It's one of the most powerful movies I'm aware of in terms of direction, acting, and editing, and just because it took me somewhere I didn't want to go doesn't mean it didn't get there. I gotta give it a B. If I was less of a pussy it'd be an A.
Funny Games (2007): I chose the remake over the 1997 original because, well, that's what was available. Naomi Watts and Tim Roth play a couple who take their young son up to a lake house for the weekend. Two preppy-looking young men (Michael Pitt is the leader, Brady Corbet the lackey) show up claiming to be working at a neighbor's house, and asking to borrow eggs. They 'accidentally' drop the eggs, they 'accidentally' drop Naomi Watts's phone in the sink, disabling it, and they 'accidentally' drop the eggs a second time. Then, as Watts and Roth begin to show frustration, the young men demonstrate what has got to be the single biggest overreaction to impoliteness of all time. I was struck by the film's nihilistic slow burn, the general air of unpredictability that comes from good actors playing well-written psychotic roles, and the gen-x parody of human behavior shown by the antagonists. At various points, Pitt turns to the camera and asks the viewer directly what (s)he'd like to see. It's a middle finger to sadists and psychopaths everywhere, to throw up a mirror and say "This is what you are. Do you like it?" But for a legitimate movie, loaded with acting talent, to play with conventions as abruptly and decisively as Funny Games does is kind of exhilarating in a cheap thrill kind of way. I'm giving it an A- for originality and the deliberate, chilling pace at which all avenues of escape are closed for the victims.
Inside,’ or ‘A l’interieur (2007): Most of the movies that constitute this project come with a warning, something to the effect of "This movie will scar you." I ignore those en masse, because I like to think of myself as so jaded nothing gets me off except freebasing ground-up moon rocks. Inside sure did its best to scar me, though. It's the story of Sarah (Alysson Paradis), a pregnant woman whose significant other dies in a car wreck in the first scene of the film. Four months later, both mother and fetus are healthy, and she is set for induced labor on Christmas Day. The film takes place on Christmas Eve, when a mysterious- and unnecessarily gorgeous- woman (Beatrice Dalle) arrives on her doorstep asking to use the phone. Depressed and paranoid, Sarah had told everyone from her family, work, and private life to stay away, and refuses the woman's request as well. At this point the other woman reveals she knows quite a bit about Sarah, and is really there to steal her baby. That's when the breaking-and-entering scenes begin, which are well executed in their play with calm and tension. When the mysterious woman finally makes it inside, one saddening and shocking piece of violence after another is the result, with the movie twisting and turning in all kinds of surprising ways, leading to a final shot that out-haunts Requiem for a Dream and probably every movie ever made. If you see it and find a way to get it out of your head, please let me know. I'm unlikely to ever watch this one again- the shock value would have worn off and the blood would get tedious- but I'm not sad I watched it once. It gets a B- from me. It's no higher because you'd have to be more messed up than me to 'like' it in any sense of the word I'm familiar with. I can't put it any lower because it does everything you want in horror- it makes you forget you're watching a movie, makes you care about the victim, and truly, viscerally, horrifies the viewer.
Dear Zachary: A Letter to a Son About His Father (2008): Every movie I plan on watching for this is original and lacks comparables, but someday there will be another Requiem or Inside. Hopefully, there will never be another Dear Zachary, as it's the only nonfiction documentary currently on my list. Knowing these things really happened makes it just a little harder to escape the brainspace of the film. In making this film for MSNBC- Yes, they televised it- Filmmaker Kurt Kuenne tells the story of his lifelong friend Andrew Bagby, who is found dead in a park in his hospital scrubs, shot seven times. The obvious suspect is the correct one: Dr. Shirley Turner, one of Andrew's coworkers, an ex-girlfriend thirteen years Andrew's senior. After the arrest, Shirley reveals that she's carrying Andrew's child and the film from that point follows two disconnected, but related, threads: Kuenne tours the entire United States and Newfoundland, Canada, talking to anyone he can find who knew Andrew or Shirley. Meanwhile, he covers the struggles of Andrew's parents as they fight the Canadian legal system to keep Shirley in prison and gain custody of baby Zachary- a story that takes place during the filming and contributes 100% of the gut-wrenching drama. Kuenne edits his documentary much like Michael Moore would, relentlessly bombarding the viewer with interviews, photographs, and the rapid-fire progress of the legal story while allowing his emotions to overcome his narration multiple times. It's a depressing and frightening story, but right up to the third-act twist and beyond, Kuenne's storytelling shines a spotlight on what I can only call the humanity of the story. I'm giving Dear Zachary a solid B, mostly on the strength of Kuenne's aesthetic rather than the story he tells.
Irreversible (Le Temps detruit tout (Time Destroys Everything)) (2002)- (*THIS MOVIE CANNOT BE DISCUSSED WITHOUT SPOILERS. YOU ARE WARNED*.) Of all the plots in all the world, the one that least lends itself to reverse storytelling is the rape revenge story. This doesn't stop writer/director Gaspar Noe, who starts with our hero Marcus (Vincent Cassel) being carted out of a gay club and driven away in an ambulance. He's brutalized and barely alive, with the EMT's and police all calling him a "fag". As each scene draws out more of the story, we find that Marcus's girlfriend Alex (the breathtaking Monica Bellucci) has been beaten and raped and Marcus's investigation led him to the gay club, looking for a man known as "The Tapeworm". The rape itself is what makes this film a shock piece. It's nine straight minutes of The Tapeworm holding Alex down on the ground in a subway tunnel while he struggles to stay on top of her. The camera does not look away, even though it's almost impossible to watch the entire sequence. The told-in-reverse background to the incident adds almost nothing to the story: Marcus's friend Pierre is Alex's ex, but he bears no ill will. Marcus is a childish hedonist, but Alex likes him anyway. And of course, Alex is pregnant with Marcus's child, and they want to keep the baby. Seeing these meaningless setup scenes at the end rather than the beginning made this movie, especially the second half, feel like a total waste of time. I'm giving it a D, for "Don't bother".
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Terrible TV: American Idol 12 Final Performance Show
Well, I made it. It's the last week of Idol, and I found something to say about every week till now. That's not as easy, fun, or useful as it sounds. I've missed on my predictions for weeks on end, but the finale of Candice vs. Kree was possible, if not preordained, from the start. Amber had the best voice, Angie was the most marketable, but they made the mistake of being good looking enough to be threatening to the people who vote for this show. Shoulda thoughta that before wearing leather pants every week, Angie. Ah, who am I kidding, those pants were one of the best things about this season. On that note, here's my ten favorite things from American Idol Season 12 in no particular order:
-Angie's pants
-When Seacrest confused one of our contestants' moms with her stepmom because all women look alike to him
-Candice's family's accents
-Candice's "Love Song", the hands down best performance of the season
-Every time anyone else had to talk about how Lazaro's badness affected their group performance
-The judges completely ignoring the fact that Amber Holcomb is basically a 17-year-old Whitney Houston
-Our finalists' performances of "One" and "She Talks to Angels", two truly great songs that somehow snuck past the producers
-Burnell's "You Give Love a Bad Name", the only non-Lazaro VFTW performance of the year
-The day I decided to stop listening to Mariah Carey
-Devin Velez taking every opportunity to say something that made AI voters like him less
OK, so the finale will be three rounds in an hour: producer Simon Fuller's choice, the contestants' first single, and finally, the contestants' favorite performance of the season. Kree kicks it off with- gasp- a good song: "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan. There's a little slide guitar to give it a country vibe, but it's not obtrusive. I kind of like it. Kree's voice is a great fit for the song. It feels a little short and a little unambitious, but i enjoyed hearing it. Kree does a lot of performances like that. They don't go to the judges, which makes me a happy Dave.
Candice gets another good song, "Chasing Pavements" by Adele. I'm psyched. She's spot on for the beginning, and then just starts doing runs. It's pretty good, but I give the slight edge to Kree. She felt more in the zone. Randy and Mariah get to comment on Round One, so nothing gets said except Randy didn't like the songs. Nobody will miss you when you leave, Randy. You've got the down-home humility of Kris Kardashian and the intellectual integrity of Paul Ryan.
Before we get to round two, we get to the crowdsourced Carly Rae Jepsen performance. Since it's about taking pictures, there's someone taking pictures of her on stage. It's too bad nobody who contributed to the performance said "Maybe we should get someone who isn't terrible." That was nowhere near the level of unintentional comedy I've come to expect from Idol Finale performances. By the time this show is over I will have completely forgotten about it. Boo!
Kree's first single, should she win, is called "All Cried Out". Is this a new song written for Kree? I have no idea. If you'd told me this was a Carrie Underwood song, or a Miranda Lambert song, I wouldn't know the difference. Nothing really wrong with it, but nothing stands out either, as I don't even know how many country ballads I've seen on this show. Mariah and Keith give her a standing O.
Candice's song is called "I Am Beautiful". About 20 seconds in, there's no denying the score. I've said it many times this season, but Candice's voice is for real, and this is up there with her best performances. She's just getting bigger songs, bigger moments, better arrangements. This performance is the eighth-inning two run double that should put the game out of reach. Nicki says Kree had good composure and her performance showcased her range, but she liked Candice's song better. Keith calls the competition "Soul vs. soul", not soul vs. country. Keith and Nicki are split on who won round 2.
Kree's favorite performance of the season was "Up to the Mountain", from the Vegas weeks. Crystal Bowersox kicked this song's ass Season 9 and still couldn't beat Lee Dewyze. Kree's gotten three midrange ballads, and even though her voice has probably never sounded better, it's a sandbagging of the first order. Nobody's going to care if she's technically perfect if Candice gets bigger notes. Kree does hit some wonderful high notes on this one, though. The judges stand up. I'm not sold sold on Kree in the sense that I'd pay to see her, but if she goes on to be very successful, I won't say she doesn't deserve it. Keith: "It's all connected, baby." Nicki: "All three performances showcased your beautiful voice and your beautiful soul." Randy: "That right there is a winning-type performance."
Candice gets to throw down last, with "I (Who Have Nothing)". A brilliant a capella first verse, going big right away on the chorus, this is a victory lap. Better than Jordin Sparks' winning performance from Season 6, and really, it was a LOT better. Standing O from all four judges. Keith: "It's like a planet exploding to life." Nicki: "Did your legs just make a debut on American Idol? I loved that performance." Randy: "That's, like, a winning performance!" Mariah, fittingly, gets the last judge's word. More like the last thousand words, but still.
Anyway, regardless of who was better, there's always the chance America gets it wrong. Allen over Lambert. Dewyze over Bowersox. Season 10, where the best person was voted off something like 5 weeks in a row. Phillips over Sanchez. All mistakes. Harrison over Glover wouldn't even crack the five biggest Idol voting screwups ever. I'll be back tomorrow if the Finale gives me anything worth writing about. If not, Terrible TV will be on hiatus until I figure out the next show to cover. Probably X Factor. Maybe Master Chef. We'll see.
-Angie's pants
-When Seacrest confused one of our contestants' moms with her stepmom because all women look alike to him
-Candice's family's accents
-Candice's "Love Song", the hands down best performance of the season
-Every time anyone else had to talk about how Lazaro's badness affected their group performance
-The judges completely ignoring the fact that Amber Holcomb is basically a 17-year-old Whitney Houston
-Our finalists' performances of "One" and "She Talks to Angels", two truly great songs that somehow snuck past the producers
-Burnell's "You Give Love a Bad Name", the only non-Lazaro VFTW performance of the year
-The day I decided to stop listening to Mariah Carey
-Devin Velez taking every opportunity to say something that made AI voters like him less
OK, so the finale will be three rounds in an hour: producer Simon Fuller's choice, the contestants' first single, and finally, the contestants' favorite performance of the season. Kree kicks it off with- gasp- a good song: "Angel" by Sarah Mclachlan. There's a little slide guitar to give it a country vibe, but it's not obtrusive. I kind of like it. Kree's voice is a great fit for the song. It feels a little short and a little unambitious, but i enjoyed hearing it. Kree does a lot of performances like that. They don't go to the judges, which makes me a happy Dave.
Candice gets another good song, "Chasing Pavements" by Adele. I'm psyched. She's spot on for the beginning, and then just starts doing runs. It's pretty good, but I give the slight edge to Kree. She felt more in the zone. Randy and Mariah get to comment on Round One, so nothing gets said except Randy didn't like the songs. Nobody will miss you when you leave, Randy. You've got the down-home humility of Kris Kardashian and the intellectual integrity of Paul Ryan.
Before we get to round two, we get to the crowdsourced Carly Rae Jepsen performance. Since it's about taking pictures, there's someone taking pictures of her on stage. It's too bad nobody who contributed to the performance said "Maybe we should get someone who isn't terrible." That was nowhere near the level of unintentional comedy I've come to expect from Idol Finale performances. By the time this show is over I will have completely forgotten about it. Boo!
Kree's first single, should she win, is called "All Cried Out". Is this a new song written for Kree? I have no idea. If you'd told me this was a Carrie Underwood song, or a Miranda Lambert song, I wouldn't know the difference. Nothing really wrong with it, but nothing stands out either, as I don't even know how many country ballads I've seen on this show. Mariah and Keith give her a standing O.
Candice's song is called "I Am Beautiful". About 20 seconds in, there's no denying the score. I've said it many times this season, but Candice's voice is for real, and this is up there with her best performances. She's just getting bigger songs, bigger moments, better arrangements. This performance is the eighth-inning two run double that should put the game out of reach. Nicki says Kree had good composure and her performance showcased her range, but she liked Candice's song better. Keith calls the competition "Soul vs. soul", not soul vs. country. Keith and Nicki are split on who won round 2.
Kree's favorite performance of the season was "Up to the Mountain", from the Vegas weeks. Crystal Bowersox kicked this song's ass Season 9 and still couldn't beat Lee Dewyze. Kree's gotten three midrange ballads, and even though her voice has probably never sounded better, it's a sandbagging of the first order. Nobody's going to care if she's technically perfect if Candice gets bigger notes. Kree does hit some wonderful high notes on this one, though. The judges stand up. I'm not sold sold on Kree in the sense that I'd pay to see her, but if she goes on to be very successful, I won't say she doesn't deserve it. Keith: "It's all connected, baby." Nicki: "All three performances showcased your beautiful voice and your beautiful soul." Randy: "That right there is a winning-type performance."
Candice gets to throw down last, with "I (Who Have Nothing)". A brilliant a capella first verse, going big right away on the chorus, this is a victory lap. Better than Jordin Sparks' winning performance from Season 6, and really, it was a LOT better. Standing O from all four judges. Keith: "It's like a planet exploding to life." Nicki: "Did your legs just make a debut on American Idol? I loved that performance." Randy: "That's, like, a winning performance!" Mariah, fittingly, gets the last judge's word. More like the last thousand words, but still.
Anyway, regardless of who was better, there's always the chance America gets it wrong. Allen over Lambert. Dewyze over Bowersox. Season 10, where the best person was voted off something like 5 weeks in a row. Phillips over Sanchez. All mistakes. Harrison over Glover wouldn't even crack the five biggest Idol voting screwups ever. I'll be back tomorrow if the Finale gives me anything worth writing about. If not, Terrible TV will be on hiatus until I figure out the next show to cover. Probably X Factor. Maybe Master Chef. We'll see.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Terrible TV: American Idol 12 Top 3
Well, we lost Amber last week and Kree gets another shot. Here's hoping for another show without duets, and for at least one performance that entertains me. First we see clips from their hometown visits- what do you know, there's cheering crowds and they're amazed by the outpouring of support. Just once I'd like to see a finalist from a town that doesn't watch this show. Like, at all. There are three solo rounds tonight: Round one will be Jimmy's choice, round two the judges, and round three the producers.
Kree kicks it off with Jimmy's pick for her, Pink's "Perfect". Her twang brings something to this song, but it's still a pretty typical Idol performance. Not the showstopper she needs. Keith says that she sang it like a country song, but doesn't say whether that's good or bad. Nicki said it was easygoing and more relaxed than last week, and says she should wear flat cowboy boots that she can move in. Randy didn't like the song and said it came off a little flat. I don't disagree. Seacrest asks her what her comfort level is with pop music- seems kind of a dumb question, I mean, haven't we figured that out over the last 4 months?
Candice is doing U2's "One", probably the best song performed on the show this season. She's picking it up with the second verse and gets right to the heart of the song, which sounds weird to me. She's hitting big notes, but it seemed really short, like to fit every good part of the song in, no part could last as long as it was supposed to. I liked it better than Kree's but neither one was of championship caliber. Nicki gave Jimmy props for the song choice and said Candice did it justice. Randy said the emotion was on point. Seacrest lets us know that she'd never heard any version of the song until a week ago.
Angie gets Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word". She's not at the piano, and when she's just singing, it's always hella theatrical. This managed to be both boring AND dramatic. Randy asked about the piano, and went on for a while, but eventually gets around to saying he really liked it anyway. Keith said she could have showed more restraint and done something subtle but amazing. Nicki said it was a stellar vocal that didn't hit her emotionally like she wanted it to. Jimmy, in wrapping up round one, gives the edge to Angie. I'd go along with that, but none of them really showed me anything special.
They shuffle the order for round two, and Candice goes first. They show a long piece from her home visit to St. Helena Island, including former workplace, home, and church. The people she lives around have some pretty great Jamaican-meets-Creole accents, so that's something. The judges picked a song called "Next to Me" for her second song. I don't know the song, and the performance doesn't really make me want to change that. This feels like a sandbagging, but she got "One" last time, so I dunno. Keith praised her for going off melody. Nicki almost starts crying, and just says congratulations. Randy gives mad props to the judges for picking the song.
Angie went home to Beverly, Massachusetts. Her on-camera energy and positivity are off the charts, and I just can't pay attention to this. Especially when they're playing that Jessie J song in the background. I didn't hear what the judges picked for her, but she's not at the piano this time either. This is just as vapid as "Who You Are", and maybe even worse. Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die? Try, try, try? Either Angie is so far ahead it doesn't matter what she does, or they don't really want her in the finals. She really does do better the dumber the song is, though. I can't deny that. Keith: "You've never looked so comfortable without the piano". Nicki repeats that and adds that Miley Cyrus and Angie are related in her mind. My mind too, but for different reasons. Horrifying, disgusting reasons. Randy again praises himself for the song choice.
Kree's from Woodville, TX. Mostly her home visit is about how her parents are dead and everything is tinged with tragedy. Good times, Kree. Then she goes to a rodeo. Oh, rural folk. She's doing "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts. Again, kind of boring. Not a raising of the game. Nicki says she's strong for being so young and not having parents. Randy praises himself yet again. Keith loved it. Jimmy says again how hard it is to sing when you're choked up, and said Kree got the edge in round two- slightly over Angie, and Candice's song was a bad choice.
Angie's producer pick is "Maybe", by the same person who did her last performance, and she's back at the piano. Another waily, overly emotional vocal from Angie. I barely even noticed if she played the piano. Randy said she became a complete performer tonight. Keith: "Next week, sing a song under the piano!"
Kree's got The Band Perry's "Better Dig Two", or something like that. This is far better than her first two tries- more of a connection, more confidence, a little more intensity, and finally a song that suits her voice. On a weak night, I'm inclined to call this the best of the night. Keith didn't think it was a good song choice. Nicki agreed, but said whenever Kree leaves the show, she's buying her album. Randy: "Definitely on your way, but that was way too ordinary, but you know, props to Kree." Thanks, Randy! I think Kree's had too many just-ok performances in a row. I'd be surprised if she makes the finale after all this.
Candice has been given a song from West Side Story to close the show. Come on, guys. People have to watch this crap, you know? I guess this is the big moment, the standing O song, the OMG you're so amazing song. I don't even know if it was the best of her three performances, but whatever. Keith: "How do you do that?! If you want to vote for Candice, dial the number on your screen. If you don't, call your doctor." Nicki: "Four words: See ya next week." Randy: "Another one of the best performances in Idol history." Yeah, alright.
So, I think Kree got bussed this week. Of course, I thought the same thing last week and I was wrong. I'm gonna stick with her as my go-home pick anyway.
Kree kicks it off with Jimmy's pick for her, Pink's "Perfect". Her twang brings something to this song, but it's still a pretty typical Idol performance. Not the showstopper she needs. Keith says that she sang it like a country song, but doesn't say whether that's good or bad. Nicki said it was easygoing and more relaxed than last week, and says she should wear flat cowboy boots that she can move in. Randy didn't like the song and said it came off a little flat. I don't disagree. Seacrest asks her what her comfort level is with pop music- seems kind of a dumb question, I mean, haven't we figured that out over the last 4 months?
Candice is doing U2's "One", probably the best song performed on the show this season. She's picking it up with the second verse and gets right to the heart of the song, which sounds weird to me. She's hitting big notes, but it seemed really short, like to fit every good part of the song in, no part could last as long as it was supposed to. I liked it better than Kree's but neither one was of championship caliber. Nicki gave Jimmy props for the song choice and said Candice did it justice. Randy said the emotion was on point. Seacrest lets us know that she'd never heard any version of the song until a week ago.
Angie gets Elton John's "Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word". She's not at the piano, and when she's just singing, it's always hella theatrical. This managed to be both boring AND dramatic. Randy asked about the piano, and went on for a while, but eventually gets around to saying he really liked it anyway. Keith said she could have showed more restraint and done something subtle but amazing. Nicki said it was a stellar vocal that didn't hit her emotionally like she wanted it to. Jimmy, in wrapping up round one, gives the edge to Angie. I'd go along with that, but none of them really showed me anything special.
They shuffle the order for round two, and Candice goes first. They show a long piece from her home visit to St. Helena Island, including former workplace, home, and church. The people she lives around have some pretty great Jamaican-meets-Creole accents, so that's something. The judges picked a song called "Next to Me" for her second song. I don't know the song, and the performance doesn't really make me want to change that. This feels like a sandbagging, but she got "One" last time, so I dunno. Keith praised her for going off melody. Nicki almost starts crying, and just says congratulations. Randy gives mad props to the judges for picking the song.
Angie went home to Beverly, Massachusetts. Her on-camera energy and positivity are off the charts, and I just can't pay attention to this. Especially when they're playing that Jessie J song in the background. I didn't hear what the judges picked for her, but she's not at the piano this time either. This is just as vapid as "Who You Are", and maybe even worse. Just because it burns doesn't mean you're gonna die? Try, try, try? Either Angie is so far ahead it doesn't matter what she does, or they don't really want her in the finals. She really does do better the dumber the song is, though. I can't deny that. Keith: "You've never looked so comfortable without the piano". Nicki repeats that and adds that Miley Cyrus and Angie are related in her mind. My mind too, but for different reasons. Horrifying, disgusting reasons. Randy again praises himself for the song choice.
Kree's from Woodville, TX. Mostly her home visit is about how her parents are dead and everything is tinged with tragedy. Good times, Kree. Then she goes to a rodeo. Oh, rural folk. She's doing "Here Comes Goodbye" by Rascal Flatts. Again, kind of boring. Not a raising of the game. Nicki says she's strong for being so young and not having parents. Randy praises himself yet again. Keith loved it. Jimmy says again how hard it is to sing when you're choked up, and said Kree got the edge in round two- slightly over Angie, and Candice's song was a bad choice.
Angie's producer pick is "Maybe", by the same person who did her last performance, and she's back at the piano. Another waily, overly emotional vocal from Angie. I barely even noticed if she played the piano. Randy said she became a complete performer tonight. Keith: "Next week, sing a song under the piano!"
Kree's got The Band Perry's "Better Dig Two", or something like that. This is far better than her first two tries- more of a connection, more confidence, a little more intensity, and finally a song that suits her voice. On a weak night, I'm inclined to call this the best of the night. Keith didn't think it was a good song choice. Nicki agreed, but said whenever Kree leaves the show, she's buying her album. Randy: "Definitely on your way, but that was way too ordinary, but you know, props to Kree." Thanks, Randy! I think Kree's had too many just-ok performances in a row. I'd be surprised if she makes the finale after all this.
Candice has been given a song from West Side Story to close the show. Come on, guys. People have to watch this crap, you know? I guess this is the big moment, the standing O song, the OMG you're so amazing song. I don't even know if it was the best of her three performances, but whatever. Keith: "How do you do that?! If you want to vote for Candice, dial the number on your screen. If you don't, call your doctor." Nicki: "Four words: See ya next week." Randy: "Another one of the best performances in Idol history." Yeah, alright.
So, I think Kree got bussed this week. Of course, I thought the same thing last week and I was wrong. I'm gonna stick with her as my go-home pick anyway.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Terrible TV: American Idol 12 Top 4 Redux
So nobody went home last Thursday, but we know going into tonight that Candice and Amber were the bottom two and those votes carry over into this week. I'm curious how this is going to affect voting. Angie could probably have a Lazaro-caliber night and still be safe, but Kree won't get the "OMG we need to keep our favorite safe" bump that both Candice and Amber should get with even an adequate night. So I'll be watching to laugh at Angie and hope for something awesome from Candice and Kree. I'm really sick of this duets crap, though. Please let it be three solo performances each. And please, let Mariah be sober and properly medicated. I know I'm asking too much. First theme is songs from 2013, and the second theme is "standards". And Harry Connick, Jr is the mentor. OK, more of the same. This might be a short recap. I want to leave this record to prove I really did watch this entire season, but I am not optimistic about caring tonight.
Angie leads off with Rihanna's "Diamonds" and there's an extended nails-on-a-chalkboard sequence with Harry. Who do I blame for making people think this awkward nonsense is funny? The creator of New Girl? Maybe Kristen Wiig? Yeah, I think I'm picking Wiig. Another week, another reason to hate Angie. The vocal's a little strained but not bad enough to put her in danger, either. She sounds right on really stupid songs. Keith says something that gets booed, Nicki calls it bland and lackluster, Randy says yo, then name dropped the songwriter AND Rihanna. At least I think that's what that was. He's not great about completing his sentences.
Amber's up next and says she's looking forward to redeeming herself for last week. She's doing a Pink song, "Give Me a Reason" or something. She doesn't know the words, and Harry 'could care less' about that. It's kind of hard to watch, in a she-could-crash-any-second kind of way. Nicki says performance-Amber and offstage-Amber are two different people and she doesn't like performance-Amber. Randy kind of gets her to admit that she didn't have fun on the performance, and said she was nervous. Mariah says something profoundly stupid: learning a brand new song from scratch (As Amber did this week) is somehow harder than learning an already-existing song you've never heard (As she's done many, many times).
Candice is doing "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars, and makes it clear she knows she's not a man. She's doing it without changing the lyrics to make literal sense, so this might be interesting. I don't hate this, but the judges are probably going to call her out for going big again. Third performance, and better than the first two. Randy "Yo"'d the hell out of his minute. Keith: "When you sing like that, you could sing 'When I was your giraffe' and it would still be great." Nicki insists they give her a standing O upon further review.
Kree gets asked about the rough judges' comments from last week, which don't mean a thing given her first or second-place standing as of now. She's doing "See You Again", a song Carrie Underwood just did on a results show. Harry is crazy about Kree, says he likes her version more than Carrie's, and then they speak a little Creole. That was weirdly hot. I'm not crazy about the performance; she's straining at times and undersinging at others. She did connect a little better than last week, though. Mariah praises her authenticity in a way that's coherent, well put, and something I agree with. Wow. Keith didn't like the arrangement or the stage setup. Nicki loved it, and said she "sang with her eyes". Randy said Carrie's career path could be a blueprint for Kree's, which works out great with his previous speculation that Kree could be a 'real' country singer. It makes sense if your memory is only 12 seconds long.
Keith's t shirt says "I am the stig.", and he is asked what the stig is. His response, 'nobody cares', is something I wanted to challenge, so I looked it up. Turns out he's right, I read what the stig is and I still couldn't tell you. So for the "standards" theme, Angie is singing "Someone to Watch Over Me" for her mom. It's sleepy and Broadway and all kinds of not awesome. The theme takes some of the blame, yes, but she should know better than to do it like that at this point. Keith asks why she picked the song, even though that's been explained. He asks "Does 'then' have to be so 'then'?" Nicki calls her a Disney princess and Broadway but better than the first performance. No, no, no. That's the opposite of "better". I think the idea is to aim higher than singing at Disney World, yeah? Randy calls the arrangement 'confusing' and calls himself a musician. Mariah and Nicki talk simultaneously for a couple days.
Amber is reprising "My Funny Valentine", a song she already did in the pre- live show part of the season. Harry makes it clear she has no idea what the song is about, but apparently they remedy that. This sounds more like Amber than Amber doing a Whitney impression, so it's pretty good for her. The problem with old-fashionedness wasn't as bad for Amber as it was for Angie. Nicki loved it, Amber starts crying, and Nicki tells her not to worry about votes. I don't know if that was the time to worry; it's not like she could have done any better. Randy and Keith both give mixed praise. Seacrest then implies that if she and her dad cry on camera more, she might get more votes.
Harry says the contestants are adding runs and unnecessary notes to their performances. Yeah dude, have you ever seen this show? Candice is singing "You've Changed". Harry says some of the 14-year olds might not get it, but he's willing to take that risk. She goes over the top again, doing the opposite of everything Harry just said, and it's strong. Her voice is pretty crazy. This pushes her past Amber in my view, but Kree has yet to go. If she bombs, maybe this is all irrelevant. Standing O for Candice. Randy: In it to win it. Keith: Really great. Nicki passes on commenting.
Kree's picking "Stormy Weather", and Harry's saying once again that she's taking away from the melody and singing way too many notes. Nobody's listened to him yet and the judges are crazy about everybody. I kind of get what Harry's saying, she does it for no reason at times. And she loses the melody completely halfway through. Her timing is off a little too. The whole second half is a total mess for me. Other than that it's great. Everyone gives rambling semi-critique but it's clear they wanted it to be awesome but it wasn't. Harry calls Randy out on one of his many contradictions: "We want you to be Kree, but do the Etta James version." You could pick out so many nonsense comments, but at least one's getting exposed to the harsh light of reason.
Then there's some hideous disaster of a group number with tons of dancers and a dominant pre-recorded vocal track. This is enough to make me hate everyone involved. This is one of those things that happen where you can't imagine how nobody stepped in and stopped it before it was too late. I got my wish of no duets, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?? Now I want all four of them to go home tomorrow. Cancel the homecoming trips, cancel the stupid Carly Rae Jepsen song, and make it so I don't pay attention to Mariah Carey anymore. Failing that, I'd like Angie to go home but I think it's gonna be Kree. She's better than she's been the past few weeks, but who votes and can remember that far back? Candice was the clear best tonight, Amber's the likely sympathy vote, and Angie's probably not going anywhere.
Angie leads off with Rihanna's "Diamonds" and there's an extended nails-on-a-chalkboard sequence with Harry. Who do I blame for making people think this awkward nonsense is funny? The creator of New Girl? Maybe Kristen Wiig? Yeah, I think I'm picking Wiig. Another week, another reason to hate Angie. The vocal's a little strained but not bad enough to put her in danger, either. She sounds right on really stupid songs. Keith says something that gets booed, Nicki calls it bland and lackluster, Randy says yo, then name dropped the songwriter AND Rihanna. At least I think that's what that was. He's not great about completing his sentences.
Amber's up next and says she's looking forward to redeeming herself for last week. She's doing a Pink song, "Give Me a Reason" or something. She doesn't know the words, and Harry 'could care less' about that. It's kind of hard to watch, in a she-could-crash-any-second kind of way. Nicki says performance-Amber and offstage-Amber are two different people and she doesn't like performance-Amber. Randy kind of gets her to admit that she didn't have fun on the performance, and said she was nervous. Mariah says something profoundly stupid: learning a brand new song from scratch (As Amber did this week) is somehow harder than learning an already-existing song you've never heard (As she's done many, many times).
Candice is doing "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars, and makes it clear she knows she's not a man. She's doing it without changing the lyrics to make literal sense, so this might be interesting. I don't hate this, but the judges are probably going to call her out for going big again. Third performance, and better than the first two. Randy "Yo"'d the hell out of his minute. Keith: "When you sing like that, you could sing 'When I was your giraffe' and it would still be great." Nicki insists they give her a standing O upon further review.
Kree gets asked about the rough judges' comments from last week, which don't mean a thing given her first or second-place standing as of now. She's doing "See You Again", a song Carrie Underwood just did on a results show. Harry is crazy about Kree, says he likes her version more than Carrie's, and then they speak a little Creole. That was weirdly hot. I'm not crazy about the performance; she's straining at times and undersinging at others. She did connect a little better than last week, though. Mariah praises her authenticity in a way that's coherent, well put, and something I agree with. Wow. Keith didn't like the arrangement or the stage setup. Nicki loved it, and said she "sang with her eyes". Randy said Carrie's career path could be a blueprint for Kree's, which works out great with his previous speculation that Kree could be a 'real' country singer. It makes sense if your memory is only 12 seconds long.
Keith's t shirt says "I am the stig.", and he is asked what the stig is. His response, 'nobody cares', is something I wanted to challenge, so I looked it up. Turns out he's right, I read what the stig is and I still couldn't tell you. So for the "standards" theme, Angie is singing "Someone to Watch Over Me" for her mom. It's sleepy and Broadway and all kinds of not awesome. The theme takes some of the blame, yes, but she should know better than to do it like that at this point. Keith asks why she picked the song, even though that's been explained. He asks "Does 'then' have to be so 'then'?" Nicki calls her a Disney princess and Broadway but better than the first performance. No, no, no. That's the opposite of "better". I think the idea is to aim higher than singing at Disney World, yeah? Randy calls the arrangement 'confusing' and calls himself a musician. Mariah and Nicki talk simultaneously for a couple days.
Amber is reprising "My Funny Valentine", a song she already did in the pre- live show part of the season. Harry makes it clear she has no idea what the song is about, but apparently they remedy that. This sounds more like Amber than Amber doing a Whitney impression, so it's pretty good for her. The problem with old-fashionedness wasn't as bad for Amber as it was for Angie. Nicki loved it, Amber starts crying, and Nicki tells her not to worry about votes. I don't know if that was the time to worry; it's not like she could have done any better. Randy and Keith both give mixed praise. Seacrest then implies that if she and her dad cry on camera more, she might get more votes.
Harry says the contestants are adding runs and unnecessary notes to their performances. Yeah dude, have you ever seen this show? Candice is singing "You've Changed". Harry says some of the 14-year olds might not get it, but he's willing to take that risk. She goes over the top again, doing the opposite of everything Harry just said, and it's strong. Her voice is pretty crazy. This pushes her past Amber in my view, but Kree has yet to go. If she bombs, maybe this is all irrelevant. Standing O for Candice. Randy: In it to win it. Keith: Really great. Nicki passes on commenting.
Kree's picking "Stormy Weather", and Harry's saying once again that she's taking away from the melody and singing way too many notes. Nobody's listened to him yet and the judges are crazy about everybody. I kind of get what Harry's saying, she does it for no reason at times. And she loses the melody completely halfway through. Her timing is off a little too. The whole second half is a total mess for me. Other than that it's great. Everyone gives rambling semi-critique but it's clear they wanted it to be awesome but it wasn't. Harry calls Randy out on one of his many contradictions: "We want you to be Kree, but do the Etta James version." You could pick out so many nonsense comments, but at least one's getting exposed to the harsh light of reason.
Then there's some hideous disaster of a group number with tons of dancers and a dominant pre-recorded vocal track. This is enough to make me hate everyone involved. This is one of those things that happen where you can't imagine how nobody stepped in and stopped it before it was too late. I got my wish of no duets, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?? Now I want all four of them to go home tomorrow. Cancel the homecoming trips, cancel the stupid Carly Rae Jepsen song, and make it so I don't pay attention to Mariah Carey anymore. Failing that, I'd like Angie to go home but I think it's gonna be Kree. She's better than she's been the past few weeks, but who votes and can remember that far back? Candice was the clear best tonight, Amber's the likely sympathy vote, and Angie's probably not going anywhere.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)