1. Los Angeles Dodgers
2013 record: 92-70 (First place. Beat Atlanta in NLDS. Lost to St. Louis in NLCS.)
Offseason grade: D
As we've seen in the past with big payroll teams, there's not a lot of room to maneuver in the winter when you've guaranteed big money to every position around the diamond as well as fourth outfielder. I liked this group of players a year ago, and that was before I was aware of the greatness that is Puig. It would have been cool to see them go for someone better than Juan Uribe at third, and I don't think it's possible for a 7 year, $215M contract to work out, even if it does go to the 25-year-old best pitcher in baseball who already has two Cy Youngs and a runner-up on his resume. But I'm not predicting for 2018 here, and the only thing that's sinking these Dodgers would be a Softball-Simpsons-esque series of misfortunes to every starting pitcher.
2. San Francisco Giants
2013 record: 76-86 (Tied for third/fourth place)
Offseason grade: C+
I'm on record as saying the Tim Hudson contract will be one of the best bargains of this past winter, and I'll stand by that. Since Brian Sabean has kept the team more or less together since their 2010 World Series win, there's no reason to expect a big step forward- except, of course, that this is an even-numbered year. Don't ask me how, just know that the Giants will win some games. It won't make sense when it happens, and it will make baseball dorks like myself want to bang our heads against a wall. I'm just trying to get ahead of the game here. When GM Brian Sabean signed Tim Lincecum and Hunter Pence to above-market deals before free agency even opened, everyone knew it was completely asinine, so they'll probably work out brilliantly. To say nothing of signing a 36-year-old LOOGY to a 3-year deal. That's at least two Rolaids awards and a Cy right there.
3. Arizona Diamondbacks
2013 record: 81-81 (Second place)
Offseason grade: D+
Arizona GM Kevin Towers is kind of like Brian Sabean. They both make terrible decisions that seem to have no bearing whatsoever on their teams' performance. The difference is, whereas Sabean's teams alternate between cellar-dwelling and World Series wins, Towers's teams win exactly 81 games. For his next trick, he's going to win exactly 81 games while making the farm system... disappear! Enjoy Bronson Arroyo and Mark Trumbo, D-Backs fans. Try not to think about how much better the team would be if it still had all the guys Towers traded away this winter and last.
4. Colorado Rockies
2013 record: 74-88 (Fifth place)
Offseason grade: F
I'm not gonna make the obvious "Pot is legal in Colorado now, that explains everything" joke. I just wish I could think of another explanation for what's going on here. Acquiring Brett Anderson for Drew Pomeranz looks like a win-now move, but dumping Dexter Fowler for next to nothing looks like a straight salary dump. Signing Boone Logan for three years and Latroy Hawkins for one just looks stupid. Signing Justin Morneau to a multi-year deal can only be the result of the following thought process: "We already miss Todd Helton. Are there any other first basemen who were awesome ten years ago but have not yet retired? Ideally he will have concussion-related mental issues, so if we start calling him Todd and ask him to grow a Grizzly Adams beard he'll roll with it." The whole thing makes so little sense I want to pick them to win the division out of sheer befuddlement. If they hadn't made Latroy their closer, I'd do it, too. But as I no longer do drugs, I have my limits.
5. San Diego Padres
2013 record: 76-86 (Tied for third/fourth place)
Offseason grade: D
Read what I said about the Rockies. Then ask yourself how bad a team would have to be for me to pick the Rockies over them. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2014 San Diego Padres.
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