Episode 3. I can't believe it's going to get even worse, but it is.
*The Everlasting Dave reminds himself that he watches terrible TV so others don't have to and it's noble work *
Whew. OK. Let's get to it.
Mere hours after literally turning tail and running, Will's back and bringing Catherine breakfast in bed.
"I don't deserve this."
"You don't. You cheated on me in San Francisco."
That's an awesome explanation for why you made her breakfast. Maybe he poisoned it! Please be poisoned, please be poisoned... Damn. Catherine proceeds to explain her meds to him, and he confesses to sleeping with the hostess at his restaurant because no two characters on this show are allowed to converse without saying something horrible to each other. Why do either of these people have a significant other? At The Cube, they're all talking about the superhero surgery Bickman just performed. With a steak knife. At breakfast. On a world famous opera singer. Well, if you're going to be ridiculous, might as well go all the way. I wish they'd shown that, though. It might have been almost interesting. Ali Wong says Bickman's a psychopath; Catherine says "All men are." Because cheating is a sign of psychopathy now. Sigh. Blatant hypocrisy of our main character aside, let's talk about what a psychopath is. It's essentially an unrepentant narcissist with poor impulse control. To be a successful psychopath, you need a high level of cognitive function, because the mental gymnastics necessary to justify and get away with your antisocial and harmful behavior are complex and difficult. It involves blind spots in key areas such as empathy and morality, but it requires a heightened awareness of human nature and social norms that most people just don't have the capacity to hold in their heads. If you're saying all men have a flaw that makes them unfaithful, fine. Say "All men are stupid". Not psychotic. If you're going to throw red meat at your base, at least root it in fact, please.
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Anyway, Ali Wong is going to be following Bickman around testing him for psychopathy with all the science of a Facebook survey. Reagan shows up at Catherine's office, and conditionally lifts the ban on her seeing Esme.
Reagan: "Esme has an assignment. She has to create a video documentary that serves as a self-portrait. Her premise statement is 'At 15, my own self is mutable. My identity comes from my family.'"
Holy self-awareness, Batman. That doesn't sound at all like something an adult would put in the script to give the impression that Esme's a smart girl.
"What I want you to do is for you to work harder to make it clear to her who I am. Her real- her only- mother."
Yeah, Esme knows. She just doesn't like pathologically unhappy, emotionally toxic people with teenage-level insecurity more than flighty neurologists who only call when they're bursting with joi de vivre. Few do. This isn't even necessary since Esme has no idea she's Catherine's daughter. The whole thing's nonsense to placate a grown-ass woman's crazy and nobody says a thing. Catherine agrees, cause what else are you gonna do.
Catherine's patient Mona has something in her brain, but it's obscured by Ali Wong and Catherine attempting banter, then deconstructing why they fail at banter. Did they know this was going to be televised, or did Kelly Reilly and Ali Wong just get high and try to have a conversation? The world may never know. Mona has brain problems but brain surgery doesn't usually fix bitter divorcee-itis. Sucks for her.
"You are a nerd." -Catherine, to Ali Wong
Ali Wong: /looks hot
Bickman kicks the OB out of the OR while doing brain surgery on a pregnant woman, and then does an emergency C-section by himself. Because best surgeon ever. Catherine goes to the restaurant for the express purpose of intimidating Delilah, the hostess who slept with Will. Seriously? They named the seductive young hottie Delilah? OK. We're going with Delilah, and you can just sign me up for Team Delilah till the end of this 12-episode train wreck. Will and Catherine make out in the kitchen.
Will: "What was that?"
Catherine: "Marking my territory."
Obvious thing is obvious.
The med student who isn't a freak of memory is interviewing a lesbian couple, one of whom doesn't recognize her partner and thinks she's an impostor. It's Capgras Syndrome, which appears to be a real thing. Too bad this whole plotline is just an excuse to use the phrase "lesbian bed death". Sad words, those three together. This show already makes me angry because of the stupidity and the treatment of mental illness, but now it's just bumming me out.
Reagan's filming Esme outside of The Cube, and Esme's snapping a rubber band against her wrist, like Catherine always does.
Reagan: "Stop doing that. It's a nervous habit; I'm gonna point it out every time you do it."
Bickman sleazes all over Esme's documentary, then leaves. Catherine does some medicine or something, I guess. On Esme's way out, Catherine explains Capgras Syndrome to her.
Esme: "Maybe I have that. I always have that feeling that my mother's not my mother. Maybe I was adopted."
Catherine: /overly intense insistence that Reagan is Esme's mom
I guess that's exactly what Reagan asked for. The scene didn't ring true- imagine that. Mona's getting worse, and Bickman knows her from his volunteer work at a homeless shelter. That's one way we can see Bickman as a multifaceted person that doesn't require Ditch Davey to act, I guess.
Catherine: "You're not a psychopath. They usually don't volunteer at homeless shelters." Unless they're smart enough to cover their tracks. But shit, to be that smart you'd have to be some kind of brain surgeon, right? Catherine and Bickman run into Delilah outside The Cube, and Catherine sends Bickman away so they can have an awesome, catty, paranoid, and hurtful conversation. Damn, here I was hoping Delilah would be the first normal person on the show despite her name. Instead, she twists the knife all the way around, pulls it out, turns Catherine around, and jams it back in. That took verbal cruelty to a new level. Catherine slaps Delilah's smoothie out of her hand and threatens her. Will and Catherine fight about it later, get jealous and mean, and wind up in bed because the only way to get turned on in the Black Boxiverse is to have someone be really cold and hurtful to you.
Catherine: "I love you."
Will: "Who?"
Wait, what? OK, now Catherine's putting the ring back on. Most boring troubled relationship ever. Perfunctory medical show wrap up, blah blah blah, breaking hospital rules to save Mona, Mona is still a horrible person, lesbians are happy, we get to hear Ali Wong talking about happy lesbians having hot sex. Her words, not mine. Easily the highlight of the show so far.
Med student: "They had two problems: the Capgras syndrome and (three sad words). I realized they could use one to solve the other."
That's amazing! It's also exactly what the lesbians were doing before they came in for the study, so you accomplished nothing! Then Reagan expects Esme to like her new shirt because it's just like the one Catherine was wearing, and instead Esme gives her shit for it. Reagan wants mom points and friend points and won't be happy until she has everything and Catherine has nothing. She watches Esme's documentary. It's all about Catherine, and it ends with her doing the rubber band snapping. Reagan is jealous and horrified at the idea that fifteen year old Esme- who at this point is the smartest character on a show about doctors- might connect the dots.
This one was easy to burn through because it went a little easier on the stupid and a little heavier on the boring. It won't last. We'll be meeting Will's family pretty soon.
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