Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

114 people showed up to play Magic at the Illinois State Championships today. I finished in 9th place.

Sounds awesome, yeah? Well, it kind of is. I won a few packs and gained self confidence. After weeks of being told my deck is good, I started to believe it today. But here's the thing: Big Magic tournaments cut to the Top 8. Those above the line win packs and playmats, sometimes cash money. Those under the line win packs, but not nearly as many. 8th place had 5 wins, 1 loss, and 1 draw over seven rounds. I had 5 wins and 2 losses. 9th was the first loser. Yet I'm not disappointed. I came in with no expectations and played at a pretty high level. I met some cool new people (Way to go Varin!). I spent good times with good people I already knew ( Much gratitude for lifelong homie The Accidental Historian, the only other member of Team Socially Unacceptable, without whom none of this is even remotely possible. Also sincere appreciation for Todd, Dan, and Adam, fellow Dean's Dugouters, for their good attitudes and sharp minds.) I stayed focused and stable for like 12 straight hours, which I think is a new record. I gave myself a bite at the apple and I played better Magic than I thought I could.

All that is good. I've never made the Top 8 of a big event, but this is the first big tournament I've played in in seven years. I went 5-2 at that last one too, and won nothing for my troubles (At that one, Top 8 got obscenely huge prizes, nobody else got anything, and I ended up in like 10th. Fucking Tromp the Domains and Sudden Spoiling. I should start trading for those cards just to rip them up.) The message is clear: I'm done small timing it. I've never really been small timing it, just biding my time and honing my skills. I'll play locally twice a week like I've been doing, and I'll be happy to grind out those victories where the experience is more rewarding than the handful of packs at the end. Friday Night Magic at local game stores is what turns average Magic players into good ones, and every last one of us owes a debt to the store owners and tournament judges. I do my best to help players who need help, enjoy the company of those who don't, and be a humble winner and classy loser. I don't always do it, cause hey, mentally ill, and a lifetime of bad social habits. But I try. Weekly Magic tournaments are excellent practice for the golden rule, as well as going above and beyond and making someone's day every now and again. Who knows. The little kid I help with deckbuilding might win a Pro Tour in a few years. God damn, that would be awesome.

But I'm thinking beyond the local game store from now on. It's a fine line between where I am and the next level, where I can play for something a little more permanent. I would have loved to come home tonight with a playmat that says "Top 8 2013 State Championships" and half a box of booster packs. If they'd read my name instead of Mr. draws-his-last-round at 8th place, I really think it would have meant more to me than anyone else in the Top 8. 14 packs instead of 3. One State Champs playmat instead of zero. A chance to play for the title of State Champion instead of a few lucky packs that got me my entry fee back. Some validation for playing this game on and off for most of my life. I fell a little short. A mulligan in Round 4, a bad keep in Round 5. A little bit of succumbing to cynicism because duh, mentally ill. Game of inches. It stung for a minute and I got over it. Next time I'll do better.