So nobody went home last Thursday, but we know going into tonight that Candice and Amber were the bottom two and those votes carry over into this week. I'm curious how this is going to affect voting. Angie could probably have a Lazaro-caliber night and still be safe, but Kree won't get the "OMG we need to keep our favorite safe" bump that both Candice and Amber should get with even an adequate night. So I'll be watching to laugh at Angie and hope for something awesome from Candice and Kree. I'm really sick of this duets crap, though. Please let it be three solo performances each. And please, let Mariah be sober and properly medicated. I know I'm asking too much. First theme is songs from 2013, and the second theme is "standards". And Harry Connick, Jr is the mentor. OK, more of the same. This might be a short recap. I want to leave this record to prove I really did watch this entire season, but I am not optimistic about caring tonight.
Angie leads off with Rihanna's "Diamonds" and there's an extended nails-on-a-chalkboard sequence with Harry. Who do I blame for making people think this awkward nonsense is funny? The creator of New Girl? Maybe Kristen Wiig? Yeah, I think I'm picking Wiig. Another week, another reason to hate Angie. The vocal's a little strained but not bad enough to put her in danger, either. She sounds right on really stupid songs. Keith says something that gets booed, Nicki calls it bland and lackluster, Randy says yo, then name dropped the songwriter AND Rihanna. At least I think that's what that was. He's not great about completing his sentences.
Amber's up next and says she's looking forward to redeeming herself for last week. She's doing a Pink song, "Give Me a Reason" or something. She doesn't know the words, and Harry 'could care less' about that. It's kind of hard to watch, in a she-could-crash-any-second kind of way. Nicki says performance-Amber and offstage-Amber are two different people and she doesn't like performance-Amber. Randy kind of gets her to admit that she didn't have fun on the performance, and said she was nervous. Mariah says something profoundly stupid: learning a brand new song from scratch (As Amber did this week) is somehow harder than learning an already-existing song you've never heard (As she's done many, many times).
Candice is doing "When I Was Your Man" by Bruno Mars, and makes it clear she knows she's not a man. She's doing it without changing the lyrics to make literal sense, so this might be interesting. I don't hate this, but the judges are probably going to call her out for going big again. Third performance, and better than the first two. Randy "Yo"'d the hell out of his minute. Keith: "When you sing like that, you could sing 'When I was your giraffe' and it would still be great." Nicki insists they give her a standing O upon further review.
Kree gets asked about the rough judges' comments from last week, which don't mean a thing given her first or second-place standing as of now. She's doing "See You Again", a song Carrie Underwood just did on a results show. Harry is crazy about Kree, says he likes her version more than Carrie's, and then they speak a little Creole. That was weirdly hot. I'm not crazy about the performance; she's straining at times and undersinging at others. She did connect a little better than last week, though. Mariah praises her authenticity in a way that's coherent, well put, and something I agree with. Wow. Keith didn't like the arrangement or the stage setup. Nicki loved it, and said she "sang with her eyes". Randy said Carrie's career path could be a blueprint for Kree's, which works out great with his previous speculation that Kree could be a 'real' country singer. It makes sense if your memory is only 12 seconds long.
Keith's t shirt says "I am the stig.", and he is asked what the stig is. His response, 'nobody cares', is something I wanted to challenge, so I looked it up. Turns out he's right, I read what the stig is and I still couldn't tell you. So for the "standards" theme, Angie is singing "Someone to Watch Over Me" for her mom. It's sleepy and Broadway and all kinds of not awesome. The theme takes some of the blame, yes, but she should know better than to do it like that at this point. Keith asks why she picked the song, even though that's been explained. He asks "Does 'then' have to be so 'then'?" Nicki calls her a Disney princess and Broadway but better than the first performance. No, no, no. That's the opposite of "better". I think the idea is to aim higher than singing at Disney World, yeah? Randy calls the arrangement 'confusing' and calls himself a musician. Mariah and Nicki talk simultaneously for a couple days.
Amber is reprising "My Funny Valentine", a song she already did in the pre- live show part of the season. Harry makes it clear she has no idea what the song is about, but apparently they remedy that. This sounds more like Amber than Amber doing a Whitney impression, so it's pretty good for her. The problem with old-fashionedness wasn't as bad for Amber as it was for Angie. Nicki loved it, Amber starts crying, and Nicki tells her not to worry about votes. I don't know if that was the time to worry; it's not like she could have done any better. Randy and Keith both give mixed praise. Seacrest then implies that if she and her dad cry on camera more, she might get more votes.
Harry says the contestants are adding runs and unnecessary notes to their performances. Yeah dude, have you ever seen this show? Candice is singing "You've Changed". Harry says some of the 14-year olds might not get it, but he's willing to take that risk. She goes over the top again, doing the opposite of everything Harry just said, and it's strong. Her voice is pretty crazy. This pushes her past Amber in my view, but Kree has yet to go. If she bombs, maybe this is all irrelevant. Standing O for Candice. Randy: In it to win it. Keith: Really great. Nicki passes on commenting.
Kree's picking "Stormy Weather", and Harry's saying once again that she's taking away from the melody and singing way too many notes. Nobody's listened to him yet and the judges are crazy about everybody. I kind of get what Harry's saying, she does it for no reason at times. And she loses the melody completely halfway through. Her timing is off a little too. The whole second half is a total mess for me. Other than that it's great. Everyone gives rambling semi-critique but it's clear they wanted it to be awesome but it wasn't. Harry calls Randy out on one of his many contradictions: "We want you to be Kree, but do the Etta James version." You could pick out so many nonsense comments, but at least one's getting exposed to the harsh light of reason.
Then there's some hideous disaster of a group number with tons of dancers and a dominant pre-recorded vocal track. This is enough to make me hate everyone involved. This is one of those things that happen where you can't imagine how nobody stepped in and stopped it before it was too late. I got my wish of no duets, but at what cost? AT WHAT COST?? Now I want all four of them to go home tomorrow. Cancel the homecoming trips, cancel the stupid Carly Rae Jepsen song, and make it so I don't pay attention to Mariah Carey anymore. Failing that, I'd like Angie to go home but I think it's gonna be Kree. She's better than she's been the past few weeks, but who votes and can remember that far back? Candice was the clear best tonight, Amber's the likely sympathy vote, and Angie's probably not going anywhere.
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