Welcome to a liveblog of the first episode of Idol (maybe ever) without a white male contestant. And 20 seconds in, I remember this is Motown week. Always good for a train wreck or two. It's not fair to play The White Stripes during the intro piece. Come on, we know nobody rocks this year. That was by design, remember? Seacrest says we're gonna have group numbers, and it's not just Motown, it's any Detroit artist. So that means Madonna is fair game. Oh, goody. Smokey Robinson is the guest co-mentor. I'm not going to bother with the Idol app this week, because it hasn't added anything to my watching or blogging experience.
Candice is first up, and she tells us that Smokey is basically a legend. Perceptive! She's doing "Heard it Through the Grapevine", and I'm thinking if anything can sink Candice, it's being midrange and forgettable. This has a chance to be that. She's slowing it down a little and, like last week, it's stanked up beyond belief. I kind of like Candice's stank, but I could still see her being the Bottom 3 surprise tomorrow night. Keith says it was her best performance so far. Nicki says she stayed in the song the whole way through. Randy's comments are too vapid to repeat here.
Kree and Janelle are the first duet, and it's "Like a Prayer". This is the only Madonna song worth anything, and I'm not at all opposed to two women singing it to each other. Kree's first few lines are gold, and the rest is just kind of fun, drunk-girl karaoke. I'm OK with this. Nothing about it is country, which is a pleasant surprise for me. Nicki can't believe the two country girls got to do a duet together, and says the obvious- Kree is in a different league from Janelle. I'm glad America got to see that, for that exact reason. Randy says Janelle was pitchy and Kree was better, and the crowd hates it, just like they hate anything that isn't "OMG you're the best thing ever!!!!!" It's like watching a Duke basketball game, except every contestant is Duke and the judges are the refs. That's such a perfect analogy I can't believe I came up with it sober. Mariah noticed that Janelle forgot a lyric and Kree picked her up, then she talks for another six hours to cancel out any valid point she might have had. Keith thinks it's amazing that a pop song from the 80's works for 21st century country singers- cause you know, country's come such a long way in terms of artistry since 1984.
Smokey Robinson gets a minute to pimp his Broadway show and duets album before VFTW darling Lazaro gets to sing. He's doing "For Once In My Life", and apparently he's really into this song. His backdrop has pink musical scores flying around, in case anyone was confused that this show has music in it. The whole vocal is kind of meh, just like always with this dude. OK, he had "Bridge Over Troubled Water", but since then, no. Randy says far better than last week, but he's still not totally redeemed. Keith "It's gotta be about the songs that feel vocally and rhythmically right for you." So, no songs at all? Nicki calls him Ricky Ricardo again, because she's a dirty dirty racist. Then she calls him Fonzie. By the time it's over, Lazaro looks as bewildered as the rest of us. VFTW is going to have to show up big time, because with Paul gone, Lazaro is the next obvious cut.
Janelle gets to do her solo, and she's picked "Keep Me Hanging On", a kiss of death for aspiring Idols throughout the years. She's rearranging it, though, so I'm willing to give this an honest shot, even though Janelle personally bugs the crap out of me. It's got me bobbing my head, she's using the guitar to good effect, and she's making it sound like something I would voluntarily listen to. Surprisingly good. Actually, I only get two or three performances per season that I would listen to outside of Idol, and that was one of them. Mariah: "Janelle at her finest!" Keith called it fearless and angsty. Nicki was incoherent, and Randy thought it was incredible. OK, I guess I'm agreeing with Randy tonight. I can handle that.
Devin's taking on "The Tracks of My Tears", and it's gonna be all or nothing. His rehearsals are not good, which tees him up for a savaging by the judges. Ugh, I don't like this whole band arrangement. This is a sad-as-hell song and he's just having fun with it. Inappropriate. The vocal's pretty good, but I don't think it keeps Devin out of the Bottom 3. Keith says he wasn't always relaxed in the song. Nicki says he looks like a ripe banana and the performance was amazing. Randy says Devin is back, which is never something you want to hear as a contestant. Smokey thought it was great. The formula for getting rid of people is for the judges to praise an average performance, tricking people into thinking the contestant is safe. That's what just happened here.
The next group number is Amber, Angie, and Candice, doing "I'm Gonna Make You Love Me" by The Supremes, and Angie is wearing black leather hot pants. Sold. I stand by my assertion that Angie's got a long career ahead of her in the entertainment industry, but we'll soon forget she was once a singer. She looks awesome. Amber doesn't get a solo on this performance, which bums me out to no end, but they sounded alright together.
I don't get a commercial break to recover from that, cause Burnell's doing Stevie Wonder's "My Cherie Amour". He's rocking the all-white suit, and doing the Carlton Banks dance one-handed. That's good! But he always strikes me as tense, focused on nailing every note and not the whole song, and is not getting better as a performer. That's bad! He's starting to bug me. Nicki loved it. Randy reminds everyone they're both from Louisiana and says Burnell is also in it to win it. Keith: "Where's Ron Burgundy when you need him?" I have no idea why he said that, but it's got to be the best judge feedback anyone, anywhere, has ever received.
Angie's getting "Shop Around" by The Supremes, and she's vowing to be fun, crazy, and have attitude. How about one time, you just sing and don't worry about how you're coming off, huh? She's turned it into a rock song, I mean, to the extent that Idol rocks. She's no longer wearing the hot pants, but she's still acting. Oh, and the vocal is shouty and off key everywhere. Other than that, it's great. But then, every performance by her is great, assuming all she wants is to sing on Broadway. Randy points out the bad vocal. Mariah wished she had done another piano song. Keith said she put too much energy into it and it made her singing sharp. Nicki said something awesome: "You wanted to show another side of Angie that didn't need to be shown." Yeah, that's what actresses do. As long as she's this aggressively sexy, she's not winning. But the whole skanky diva thing is entertaining as hell from where I sit.
Amber's singing "Lately" by Stevie Wonder, and Smokey and Jimmy make it clear she doesn't belong anywhere near the Bottom 3. Not that that's gonna help her any. She's pushing a little hard, because it's gonna be one of those big-notes-and-runs performances. Alright, fair enough. I guess it was good for what it was, but I hate these types of performances. And, of course, she gets the standing O from the judges. Mariah: "That was a tour de force... does anyone know what a tour de force is?" Nicki keeps telling her to wear pink lipstick. This might be the first case I've ever seen of "Damning with strong praise".
The three remaining guys are doing the Four Tops "Can't Help Myself", and this will be all kinds of ugly. Aaaaand, Lazaro doesn't know any of his words. Like, at all. We have the season's first real "everything falls apart" performance, and I am delighted. Burnell and Devin are like two guys bailing water out of a sinking lifeboat, and Lazaro is a shark that likes to eat lifeboats. Nicki: "I don't know what that was, but I'ma pretend I didn't even see that." Burnell says "Not to throw anyone under the bus, but..." Yeah, you kind of did anyway. So much for a girl going home tomorrow night.
Kree gets to close the show with "Don't Play That Song" by Aretha Franklin. Smokey's obviously crazy about Kree, and for the purposes of this season of Idol, so am I. She's just so much more comfortable on stage than anyone else, even in giant sparkly silver heels. I enjoy how she just lets it rip, and it always ends up in the right place. This performance is more of the same from her. Randy: "You're here to stay."
So the big takeaway from tonight: I would take Kree over the field if I was betting on a winner, and I grudgingly admit Janelle has a little sump'm sump'm going for her. The questions for the results are as follows: Did Lazaro bomb hard enough to win sympathy votes? Did the judges oversell Amber's performance to the point she falls to the bottom again? Did Candice get lost in the shuffle by going first? Did Angie just sabotage herself with a magical pair of hot pants? Will Devin or Burnell get dragged down via the group performance? My answers: Yes, no, yes, no, and yes. Bottom 3 is Devin, Lazaro, and Candice, with Devin going home. I'm not at all sure about any of this, though. Outside of the two country girls, who won the night going away, nobody should feel comfortable.
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