It's Beatles week, and I'm ready to be bored. Let's do this thing.
This week is brought to you by the absence of all substances, which will
make this the first Idol I've watched sober, maybe ever. Anyway, they
start with the results from whatever they're calling this- two of the
people who missed the top 10 got to sing last week, and people voted one
of them onto the Idols Live tour. One of Aubrey Cleland and Charlie
Askew will get to go, and it's... Aubrey. That's fine, I mean, it's not
like she's entertaining or anything so she'll fit right in.
Kree starts things off, and I guess if I have to root for anyone it's probably her. She was the highlight last week, and I don't see anyone really making me go all fanboy this season, so maybe this is as good as it's gonna get. She's doing "A Little Help From My Friends", and she looks and sounds good. Urban likes her identity, as does Nicki. Randy does a fake-out before completely agreeing. America loves Kree too.
So here's Burnell Taylor. Did you know he's from Louisiana? I did. He's getting "Let It Be", and it should be good, because he can sing and it's one of the biggest songs ever, but he doesn't know the song. Let's see... Well he learned the words, and he isn't going too far off melody. Yeah, that worked. He shouldn't be going home, but that means nothing. Nicki talks about artistry, so I guess the show is officially back to its rightful place, firmly lodged up its own ass. Keith says Burnell has the most unmistakable tone in the competition, which is technically true. America likes him, but not as much as they liked Kree.
Now it's time for Amber Holcomb, who I see as a possible winner. She's singing "She's Leaving Home", which is not a song I know that well. It's a little sleepy, but the stripped-down arrangement makes sense to showcase her voice. Another great vocal from her, if a little bit on the boring side. Randy compares Amber's family to "Modern Family", Mariah asks whether Amber knew the song or not when she'd already said she didn't, Keith says it's his favorite Beatles song and liked the way she did it, and Nicki says she should be wearing more light-colored lipstick. Winners, each and every one of them. Anyway, I like Amber OK but I'm thinking she might be getting sandbagged. Who's going to remember that performance an hour from now? America still leans toward "Wonderful" on her, but with a pretty big chunk of "Whatever".
It's Lazaro next. VFTW has made him their pick, which is a sad commentary on the lack of real entertainment value; they picked the dude with the stutter. He's doing "In My Life", and the hits just keep coming from his wardrobe as he's going with yellow tonight. He sounds nervous, rushed, and in general just doesn't seem connected. Forgettable at best, but he was worse last week and VFTW pushed him up to 4th place. Nicki makes the only point worth making, that he hasn't been good for a couple weeks and he's in trouble. Randy says he was out of tune from beginning to end, which is also valid. America echoes Randy, which is sad even when it's the right thing to do.
Seacrest comes back from the break and basically asks the judges why they were so mean to Lazaro. I guess this is Idol going meta, and it says it all that it's still not coherent or informative. And on that note, here comes Candice Glover. She's chosen "Come Together", and I am not optimistic. Like everybody else, she's struggling with not knowing her song in the rehearsals, and lyrics that make no sense to her, but she comes out pretty strong. Mojo filters, juju eyeballs, doesn't matter, she's got it. Somehow this was the best performance of the night so far. Randy: "I don't know what's going on with your face, but the voice is crazy." Haha, burn. Once again, Idol App users just reflect what the judges are saying. Boo.
Paul Jolley comes from Tennessee, which I guess is why he thinks he's a country singer. He's taking on "Eleanor Rigby", and you know, if you're doing one of the Beatles' hardest rocking songs, the one thing you absolutely have to do is take all the rock out of it. Good job on that, Paul. If you weren't the last white guy standing, you'd already be history. Nicki calls it safe, bland, and forgettable, and she's not wrong. Randy doesn't know, which is not news. America is split between the three poll answers. I mean, if the judges don't like the one guy who looks like an Idol winner, what's America supposed to do?
Angie Miller was voted "Next American Idol" by her high school class, which is a pretty great and subtle burn. She's doing "Yesterday", and Jimmy Iovine is doing his part in pimping her. She's always at least a little theatrical, and this is no different. The first 30 seconds are nice, and soft, and intimate, and after that she still sounds Broadway to me. Randy namedrops Paramour and Evanescence, and to that I say no. Nicki says she could do Disney movies and Broadway, which is what I've been trying to tell her. As far as I can tell, she either goes Anne Hathaway or Chasey Lain. I doubt I will enjoy her either way.
Devin Velez goes to military school, which is probably the last thing we'll learn about him before he goes home for being a boy who likes boys. He's singing "The Long and Winding Road", and wants to alter it and sing it like Brian McKnight. Um, yeah, probably not the way to go. It's boring and predictable, but the vocal was pretty strong. I don't think Devin's getting a fair shake on this show; he's really better than a bunch of the other contestants and nobody's just saying that. Nicki says it was "truthful", and Randy says he brought his swagger back. I smell bottom 3. Maybe if he'd just start wearing grey and playing an acoustic guitar every week...
Janelle Arthur gets to close the show with "I Will", a song I don't think I've ever heard. Jimmy tells her she can't sing without breathing. This might be her best vocal yet; I just don't care that much because she's just another country-pop singer trying to use the Idol apparatus to achieve moderate semi-stardom. Meh. The judges gush to fill time, and then we're done.
So I've done OK with my predictions so far- 9 for 10 on the top 10, and 2 out of 3 for last week's bottom 3. I'll take Devin, Paul, and Candice. More good performances than bad this week, so I'm just falling back on what voters traditionally do: get rid of anyone who's got anything interesting going for them. Paul gets bottom 3'd- and I think sent home- because he's just nothing special and that's becoming too obvious to ignore.
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